Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
