Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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