hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
