there was a trapeze. enough said
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
