Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
