Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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