Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
