so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
