saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
