it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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