You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
