It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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