He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I just sharted jello shots
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
