i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
