I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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