Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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