Already got asked if we're dating
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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