Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
