we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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