so let's talk penis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
