1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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