he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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