I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize