she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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