No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
