return my video game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
