i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
