38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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