after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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