Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
