Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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