i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
