oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize