After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
