I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
