You can't motorboat a personality
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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