It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
