bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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