Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
