I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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