omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
