She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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