watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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