Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize