my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
