its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hippo gnu deer
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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