Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But break dance skills will only take you so far
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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