Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
