; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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