We won't sleep together?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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