Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
