I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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