I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
