Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
