He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
