I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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