his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
