What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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