My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
