Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
