i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
