i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
