I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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