part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
should my penis look like a turkey
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
