his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
