what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
