The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You don't make any sense
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