new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
