I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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