I just cut my nipple shaving
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
