Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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