Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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