i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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