I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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