Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize