I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
