I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
