this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
