dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
