i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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