she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
