its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
