Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize