Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
