apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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