you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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