i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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