Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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