I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I fill condoms, not promises.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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