nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
