How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
