Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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