took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
