I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I deserve this hangover.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
