Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up under a house in Key West
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