so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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