I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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