Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
