When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
