I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
